Junebug

Sorry I've been away. College has been busy.
I just wanted to thank all rocks on the earth for being there. Rocks are the beginning and thats what we will all end up as. The rock is the most understated matter in this earth. Rocks are admired for their eternal shine and glisten, the symbol of an everlasting marriage. But the most honest metaphor is the rock underneath our feet, it holds us up even when we think we are walking unaccompanied. It is giving us support and cradling the weight of a billion others,not only that, but sustaining the energy and tenacity to hold itself up as well. Oh Dammit Granite! I love you!

Bird in the lost lands

due to circumstances, zack and I  have decided to chill out for awhile. It was mutual we are fine. Just crappy times. So I have been thinking about this e e Cummings poem that I dearly love.


It may not always be so;and I say
That if your lips, which I have loved,should touch
Another's and your dear strong fingers clutch
His heart as mine in time not far away;
If on another's face your sweet hair lay
In such a silence as I know, or such
Great writhing words as, uttering overmuch,
Stand helplessly before the spirit at bay;

If this should be, I say If this should be-
You of my heart,send me a little word;
That I may go unto him, take his hands,
Saying, accept all happiness from me.
Then shall I turn my face, and hear one bird
Sing terribly afar in the lost lands.

Trompe le Monde

Jesus Christ I'm tired of being bored!
Today was a good day. I have received an iPhone! Yay Apple! SO here is my love story of my new phone affectionately named Giselle.

First Meeting. I knew across the verizon store it was love at first sight

Our first kiss was sweet and sincere and slightly awkward like all first kisses

It slowly progressed to more kisses....I could not resist the sexy sound of Siri's voice any longer

Siri did not make me a sandwich like I asked her too so we broke up.

So there is the love story of Heather and Giselle (her iPhone. )

Also check the SWEET Eeyore pjs. Aren't they just awesome? 

Strawberry Fields Forever

SO I'm dying my hair once again to a darker strawberry. It just suits me I think. So here are some before/after pics.
I am being all sexy in my nightie and hair tie. I think I look like a 1940's housewife.

Or a woman at walmart. very very fine line

I'm loving it. Oh how I missed my strawberry locks.

I'm blue daba dee daba die

Okay so a lady took my pictures today...Told me to have two different looks prepared. One that was Heather Pharis...and the other that was something completely out there and anti Heather. SO I went out there with some blue lipstick and odd one eye thing. LOL. I oddly looked awesome in my blue hat and makeup. My grandmother bout had a heart attack because of this unorthodox look.

But you know It was fun. I felt happy using makeup as crayons....Hell isn't that the point?

Beautiful Enigma

So a high school friend of mine has a hobby of composing classical music. He is a sophomore. Can you  imagine being 15-16  and writing classical music....its amazing. Here it is
Is it not ridiculously beautiful?

Sticky Wicket

Okay So I am in need of help. I have a black fridgerator....I know we are all now in unison saying "why it gotta be black?!?" don't lie. you thought it.
Anyways I received a bitchin' blues brothers house of blues sticker from a dear old friend....and it has now graced its presence on my black ,oh  excuse me, African American  refrigerator. *I am definitely not being serious*
It has now inspired me to go on a sticker tirade. I am decorating my fridge with random stickers. If any of y'all have any that are probably laying around your house.... if they are interesting and cool....hand them over to me like your first born son. Kicking it old testament tonight babycakes!
Seriously. I would appreciate it.
Here are some stickers that I have collected already. Aren't they the bees knees?

Well I'll probably regret this later

Okay this is me dancing Stoned on some kidney painkillers. Why I felt like dancing while passing some stones Ill never know. I don't even remember this. I don't understand how my mother let me do this. Or why she is videotaping it. I don't remember anything about my my kidney issues except the drugs felt good. 

SUPAH old video. I suck. The quality sucks. There is literally nothing I like about this except for how deliciously creepy my basement is. 

You tell me you're interested, and I'll drop everything

With my parents working and my brother in class, I was all alone in an empty house. And if anyone has a history of depression like I do, you'd know that depression and loneliness is like prozac and gin. I spent the past week trying to find something to do. Naturally, I went to my friends to solve this problem.
Monday (without my family knowing) I traveled to Milledgeville with my dear friends Maurice,Lori, and her love interest Juan. I said my goodbyes to them, and spoke empty promises of going to see them soon. The truth is that with them on the other sides of the state, I probably won't even remember what they look like. Which is sad, because they have been such a huge part of my high school life. In fact we got on talking about college and adulthood and we sounded like our parents.It got me concerned. Can a friendship built in a different environment, with different situations, and with younger versions of ourselves ever have the same friendship? Can our relationships grow with us? Or do we stay stuck in that state of nostalgia with our friends, like two old war buddies discussing the good old days? do we have to move on?

A terribly old and terrible picture of Maurice and I. My dearest,closest friend.

Both Lori and Maurice moved today, and I'm left alone here. Lonely,frightened of the future, holding on to the past, and craving something to distract me.
 Lets do the math.

I have 9 more days. The square root of this is 3 modernist poetry books (which I bought). Add 2 best friends who moved on to college without me, You get 5 digits. 5 digits is 1 hand or foot. 1 hand= to the opportunity to reach out and grasp.

Nighty Night

Okay So I collect vintage nightgowns... slightly odd thing I know... but they are so beautiful to me. They are the sexiest thing a woman could possibly put on. Its intimate. I mean look at Rita Hayworth! She could rock a nightgown!

So here are my new additions to my  vintage nightgown collection.

Well thats about it. I really do love them all. especially the long peach one with the matching jacket. It has the most flattering back.

I can't make you love me

My mind is moving at the speed of light. I can’t sleep. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want anything in my body. I just want to feel hollow and empty just for a little while, and sit in the warmth of my own insides. I crave silence. I hunger for serenity. I pray for peace.  I’m just frustrated with my own internal narrator. I want to yell obscenities at every corner and not make a sound. I have an unrequited lust for clarity. 

The closer I get to answers, the more questions they ask.

Well I just want to share an e e cummings poem. I want a collection of his poetry sooo bad.

A Thing Most New Complete Fragile Intense

by E. E. Cummings

a thing most new complete fragile intense,
which wholly trembling memory undertakes
—your kiss,the little pushings of flesh,makes
my body sorry when the minute moon
is a remarkable splinter in the quick
of twilight
            ….or if sunsets utters one
unhurried muscled huge chromatic
fist skilfully modeling silence
—to feel how through the stopped entire day
horribly and seriously thrills
the moment of enthusiastic space
is a little wonderful, and say
Perhaps her body touched me;and to face
suddenly the lighted living hills

Here are a few songs that just fit my mood:

Black Puma Gal

Or the adventures of Heather being stupid in a leotard:
ON an average day such as today Heather Renee Pharis is only an ordinary 18 yr old. But when a package comes from Discount Dance involving a black lace leotard she transforms into Black Puma Gal. (totally trademarked)
She stalks around her house wearing her obscenely tight unitard doing random stuff and getting weird looks from her parents.

Then she gives her parents a piercing gaze and the camera a full on crotch shot

The family makes a comment about how there is a history of mental illness in the family.

Then when the others leave, her superpowers start. Her waist remains the same ridiculously tiny size!!!! See how tiny her waist is right there? Yah. Its awesome and useless at the same time

Then she uses her Big Butt powers of Honesty and Truth...

Because when people like big butts they can not lie. 

She has been deemed victorious against all that come across her path...Except Opossums and the top shelf at walmart....her only weaknesses and her only fears.

But she won the olympics. in every category. Even Horse Dressage. The best sport ever.

The End

I need the eggs

The title is a reference to one of the best Woody Allen films, Annie Hall.  I thought it would compliment today's subject matter quite well. Today's subject being my yard chickens and my father's sunflowers. All the captions are Walt Whitman quotes. He's my favorite poet alongside E.E Cummings and Shel Silverstein. I have just been lounging around outside with the sunflowers and chickens all day. My soul has been uplifted by the beautiful sight. 

I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contained. I stand and look at them long and long.

The art of art, the glory of expression, and the sunshine of the light of letters, is simplicity.

Strong and content I travel the open road.

Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons. It is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth.

A morning-glory at my window satisfies me more than the metaphysics of books.

And your very flesh shall be a great poem.

Give me the splendid silent sun with all his beams full-dazzling.

If any thing is sacred the human body is sacred.

The poet judges not as a judge judges but as the sun falling around a helpless thing.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

I celebrate myself, and sing myself.

You must not know too much or be too precise or scientific about birds and trees and flowers and watercraft; a certain free-margin, and even vagueness - ignorance, credulity - helps your enjoyment of these things.

To the real artist in humanity, what are called bad manners are often the most picturesque and significant of all.

Wisdom is not finally tested in the schools, Wisdom cannot be pass'd from one having it to another not having it, Wisdom is of the soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof.

There is no trade or employment but the young man following it may become a hero.